Return-Path: From: sjgarnie@eos.ncsu.edu Subject: READ: Finalized Lard's Way Date: Tue, 18 Jun 1996 15:10:30 -0400 (EDT) To: bikers@eos.ncsu.edu THIS SCHEDULE IS NOW CAST IN STONE. SIGNIFICANT CHANGES: 1. The starting location. 2. The lunch/rendezvous location near/in Charlottesville, VA. 3. Optional routes through Charlottesville, VA have been deleted. 4. Detailed instructions from the Grand Oompah for a Western assault into Camp West Mar have been added. READ CAREFULLY FOR THIS INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE WURD OF THE LARD. In order for scum to obtain redemption, scum must carefully read the Wurd. The Lard has magnanimously provided many locations and times for possible rendezvous. NOTE: SHOW UP AT THE BP AT STONEHENGE (7540 Creedmoor Road - NC50) IN RALEIGH FULLY FUELED! The Lard has decided to depart from a gas station within Raleigh, but significantly North of Crabtree Valley Mall. NOTE: Maximum fuel range is assumed to be 100 miles. The Lard intends to refuel no less frequently than every 90 miles. KEY FOR THE TABLE BELOW WHICH DENOTES THE WAY OF THE LARD: LOCATION = the wretched point thy festering carcass occupies USE-ROAD = the road which thou shalt assault and soil DESTINATION = the place to which thy sorry ass doth go DIST = the approximate distance from LOCATION to DESTINATION DEPART = the time thou shalt depart from LOCATION TOL = the tolerance the Lard allows for thy damnable tardiness FUEL = the quantity of miles ridden since thy last fuelish fill-up NOTE: DEPART(ure time) is from LOCATION. TOL(erance) should be added to DEPART(ure time) to determine latest acceptable departure. In essence, the TOL(erance) gives the width of the departure window. NOTE: All DEPART(ure time) entries are calculated based on an average speed of 50 mph. Yes, the speed limit is 55 mph, but the Lard and His scum shall be passing through many small towns patrolled by Barney Fife. Maintaining an average speed of 50 mph shall require DISCIPLINE. NOTE: Rendezvous points _SHALL_ be arranged in advance. If the Lard's horde is running ahead of schedule (FAT CHANCE!), then the Lard shall wait at the pre-agreed rendezvous point until the TOL(erance time) has expired. After the final rendezvous, the Lard and His righteous scum may desire to abandon the time schedule and meander a bit. If you are willing to rendezvous with the Lard, but do not arrange the rendezvous with the Lard, then the Lard shall fly through your desired rendezvous point. LOCATION USE-ROAD DESTINATION DIST DEPART TOL FUEL ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BP at Stonehenge Shopping Center 7540 Creedmoor Road, N. Raleigh Stonehenge BP NC50N Creedmoor 20 8:00 NONE 0 Creedmoor US15N Hester 4 8:24 :01 20 Hester US15N Oxford 12 8:29 :01 24 Oxford US15N Lewis 4 8:43 :02 36 Lewis US15N Stovall 5 8:48 :02 40 Stovall US15N Bullock 3 8:54 :02 45 Bullock US15N Clarksville 10 8:58 :03 48 Across Clarksville US15N/US58E Reservoir 2 9:55 :10 58 [ Arrive Clarksville at 9:10 AM with :03 tolerance. REFUEL QUICKLY. In Clarksville, stop and eat breakfast at the restaurant on the right immediately before you cross the long bridge over the lake. Drink coffee other than decaf at your own peril, or tie it in a knot. REFUELING/EATING ELAPSED TIME = 0:45 with :10 total tolerance ] Across Reservoir US15N Red Oak 13 9:57 :10 2 Red Oak US15N Barnes Junction 3 10:13 :11 15 Barnes Junction US15N Wylliesburg 3 10:17 :11 18 Keyesville Wylliesburg US15N/US360E US15/US360 16 10:20 :11 21 split [ After BYPASSING Keyesville, US15 splits left from US360 ] Keyesville US15/US360 US15N Hampden-Sydney 14 10:39 :12 37 split Hampden-Sydney US15N near Farmville 3 10:56 :13 51 US15N/US460W near Farmville US15N/US460W split 5 11:00 :13 54 US15N/US460W US15N Sheppards 6 11:06 :13 59 split Sheppards US15N Sprouses Corner 11 11:13 :13 65 US15N/VA20N Sprouses Corner US15N split 1 11:36 :15 76 [ Arrive Sprouses Corner at 11:26 AM with :13 tolerance. REFUEL QUICKLY AND GET UNDERWAY. REFUELING ELAPSED TIME 0:10 with :15 total tolerance ] US15N/VA20N split VA20N Scottsville 20 11:37 :15 1 Scottsville VA20N Keene 6 12:01 :16 21 Keene VA20N Char-ville 11 12:08 :16 27 VA20N/I64 I64E I64E/US250W 3 12:22 :17 38 I64E/US250W US250W US250W/VA20N 4 12:25 :17 41 [ IT'S TIME TO STUFF YOUR FACES, YOU WILD PIG-DOGS! ] [ You are now on US250W and are heading towards the intersection with VA20N. At or about this intersection you will make a Southbound (left) turn onto Riverbend Drive. Continue and then turn Eastbound (left) onto South Pantop Drive. Look for the Ponderosa Steak House, (804)979-8005, 260 S. Pantops Drive, which is located within the Pantops Shopping Center. REFUEL ASAP AND THEN EAT. ] [ You should arrive at Ponderosa at 12:30 PM with 0:17 tolerance and 45 miles of fuel consumed. The Lard shall be magnanimous, and allow His hordes His grace of ONE FULL HOUR along with the accrued tolerance to supp, refuel, and last, but certainly not least, go pee-pee. ] [ The Lard commands His hosts to be back on the road at the US250W/VA20N intersection at 1:47 PM. Since the Lard anticipates no further rendezvous, the Lard deems the continued measure of his intolerance for His scum to be unworthy of his precious, yet bountiful, resources. ] FUEL US250W/VA20N VA20N Barboursville 15 1:47 0 Barboursville VA20N VA20N/VA231N 6 2:05 15 VA20N/VA231N VA231N Rochelle 6 2:13 21 Rochelle VA231N Pratts 3 2:20 27 Pratts VA231N VA231N/US29N 3 2:23 30 VA231N/US29N VA231N Madison 3 2:27 33 Madison VA231N Banco 5 2:31 36 Banco VA231N Etlan 5 2:37 41 Etlan VA231N VA231N/US522N 10 2:43 46 VA231N/US522N US522N Sperryville 1 2:55 56 Sperryville US522N/US211E Massies Corner 8 2:56 57 Massies Corner US522N Flint Hill 3 3:05 65 Flint Hill US522N Chester Gap 7 3:09 68 Chester Gap US522N Front Royal 6 3:17 75 [ Arrive in Front Royal at 3:25 PM with 81 miles on the tank. Bladder break and refuel in 0:15, departing Front Royal at 3:40 PM ] Front Royal US522N US522/US340/I66 4 3:40 0 US522/US340 US522/US340/I66 US340N/US522N split 9 3:45 4 US522/US340 split US340N White Post 2 3:56 13 White Post US340N Boyce 4 3:58 15 Boyce US340N Berryville 7 4:03 19 Berryville US340N Gaylord 5 4:11 26 Gaylord US340N Charlestown,WV 9 4:17 31 Charlestown,WV US340N Harpers Ferry 7 4:28 40 Harpers Ferry US340N US340N/MD67N 3 4:36 47 US340N/MD67N MD67N MD67N/MD-ALT40N 13 4:40 50 Boonsboro MD67N/MD-ALT40N MD-ALT40N MD-ALT40N/MD66N 1 4:56 63 MD-ALT40N/MD66N MD66N MD66N/I70 7 4:57 64 MD66N/I70 MD66N MD66/MD64/MD77 5-6 5:05 71 [ Instructions from the Grand Oompah Hisself: From MD66/I70, take MD-66 north towards Smithsburg for 5-6 miles. At the light, turn right onto MD-64 East. Go 2 miles east on MD-64 and turn right onto MD-77 East. Proceed east on MD-77 for 3 miles to Brown Road. Turn right onto Brown Road and stay to the right at the fork that appears immediately before you. After 0.3 mile, turn left into Camp West Mar. There is a sign there but it appears rather suddenly, so be prepared. It's a dirt/gravel road into camp and is about a quarter mile long. There were some shallow ruts and potholes in it when I was out there last Friday, so be careful. The bunkhouses and pavillion are on the right. ] MD66/MD64/MD77 MD64E MD64/MD77 2 5:12 77 MD64/MD77 MD77E MD77/Brown Rd 3 5:15 79 MD77/Brown Rd Brown Rd Camp West Mar 0.3 5:19 82 Go Right At Fork Camp West Mar 0 5:20 ~83 NOTE: WE MAY REFUEL SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MD66/I70 AND CAMP WESTMAR PRIOR TO REACHING CAMP WEST MAR. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS IS THE WURD OF THE LARD! Steve DoD #00000005 KotFlame Lard of the Fries